Struggle With Conversations? These 5 Tips Help

As a fan of George Costanza, I am all for leaving on a high note. But if you find yourself trying to dip out of conversations after a few moments, this month I am challenging you to stay focused, take your time, and create a deeper connection.

A few simple changes can help. Paying attention, showing curiosity, and staying engaged a little longer can turn small talk into a friendship, a business deal, or any number of opportunities.

Here are five sure-fire ways to keep the conversation going, even when you want to bail.

Ask follow-up questions

Knowing which questions to ask requires staying in the moment and practicing active listening. If someone mentions they just got back from vacation and then explains how difficult it was to catch up at work, keep that vacation in the back of your mind. When appropriate, ask where they went.

This is relationship dynamite. It instantly makes that person feel good in your presence because you remembered something they shared.

Look for a reason to give a spontaneous and genuine compliment

We often default to complimenting someone's appearance, which is perfectly fine. There is nothing wrong with noticing a great shirt. But what people tend to remember are compliments that go a little deeper.

Instead, wait until you are into the conversation. Then say something meaningful that has nothing to do with their appearance."You know how to make people feel comfortable," or "You have great taste."

The key is that it has to be true and in the moment. Not part of your usual routine. It might be something you notice and normally keep to yourself, but this time you decide to say it out loud.

Ask someone for advice

People love being asked for advice or an opinion. It is an easy way to keep a conversation going and make the other person feel valued. The advice does not have to be big or serious. It can be as simple as, "What is good on the buffet?" "What podcasts do you listen to?" or "What blogs should I follow?"

Questions like these invite the other person to share their preferences and experiences, which naturally keeps the conversation moving.

Keep it positive

We tend to enjoy conversations with upbeat people. Staying positive can be challenging these days. Serious things are happening in the world, and they matter, but they do not have to be the main topic every time you talk with someone. Connecting with another person is a chance to shift your focus to the one person in front of you.

Sometimes a friendly conversation is exactly what both people need.

Do not be afraid of a pause.

If a pause happens once or twice, that is completely normal. In fact, it can feel more awkward when someone is afraid of a little silence. Allow the conversation to flow naturally, rest, and then pick up again. If the pauses continue, it may be a sign that it is time to move along.

Before you do, follow this simple checklist.

• Look at the person

• Thank them for their time. "Thank you for your time. I've enjoyed our conversation."

• Share something you enjoyed. "I can't wait to hear more about your cooking class."

• Offer a follow-up option if it makes sense. "I'd love to grab a coffee with you next week."

• Excuse yourself. "Have a great day."

  
  

When you take as much care with your last impression as you do with your first, you will leave on that high note and possibly with a new or deeper connection.

If you are working on your conversation skills, I created a simple cheat sheet to help. Sign up to the right of the blog home page to have the Secrets to Conversations cheat sheet sent straight to your inbox.